It's crazy and ilogical

Believe it or not, being dad is often, crazy and illogical.

Why do I say that?

Well, many things you do as dad is beyond pure logic and many times, at the spur of the moment.

You walk into a toy store and you never seem to leave without buying something. Even if it's a small thing. You see your baby reaching for a bright yellow soccer ball and the first thing that hits your mind is "she likes that so let's get it!" and that very yellow ball goes straight into the supermarket basket and thru the checkout counter.

You see your daugther so excited when she gets the chance to hammer away on your laptop and the next time you are at a kids fair, you buy her a toy laptop with a grand picture in your mind that she gets to play with hers while you work on yours.

More than just simply buying stuff, you act differently as well.

Your voice changes when your baby comes on the phone. Your voice goes all soft and high pitch with almost every sentence that comes out from your mouth a question. Never a statement.

You reach home and instead of opening the door and walk straight through, you open the door slowly and peep in to see if your daughter is waiting for you and when she does see you, you stand at the door shouting across the red sea hoping that she would jump for joy at the sight of her dad coming home. When she does, your heart melts.

You grab her from your mother-in-law because you haven't seen your precious for almost 8 years ... I meant ... 8 hours and you ask every question that comes to your mind about what she has done for the last 8 hours knowing full well that at 7 months old, she probably don't understand a single question you are asking let alone reply.

So you do crazy things. You make funny noises. You do funny actions and you contort funny faces to make your precious baby smile, giggle and laugh.


What's more crazy about it? You enjoy every moment of it. You enjoy buying the toy even though it seems to deplete your bank account . You enjoy bringing the toy home and making her smile even though you know she'll be more interested in the wrapper more than the toy. You enjoy being silly even though you risk being seen like a fool because your baby's chuckle and smile will make your day.

Crazy and illogical isn't it? :o)

Happy 7th Month Birthday Maegan!

Maegan turns 7 month today.

7 months. Wow. Seems not too long ago that I literally saw her entering this world and now, she smiles at me like a small little girl with a huge grin. All of 7 months.


What has happened this 7 months? Come to think of it, quite a fair bit.

For one, she was born. (With lots of hair I might add) 18 May 2006. She got her first taste of milk and her first day of home. Celebrated her one month at her grandma's place and saw mummy cried the first day she went back to work.

Started turning in bed and found her one day waking up with back facing up. Had her first nightmare and her first haircut.

Took her first holiday to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and held her first milk bottle all by herself. And of course, said her first "pa pa" followed by "ma" in that order (ok.. I'm bias)

Watched her first soccer game and golf game with her daddy and stayed over at Grandma's place for the first time when mummy went to Tokyo for a week. Started crawling, climbing and sitting on her own. She even recited The Lord's Prayer except that we couldn't make out any of the words she was saying.


And only just recently, she fell sick for the first time, coughed with flam, runny nose and fever all at the same time and just a few days ago, her first tooth appears.

So much has happened in this 7 months. She's such a joy.

Today like every 18th, I walk into a toy store to buy her a toy. Just to celebrate her 7th month birthday. Like they all say, you only be 7 months once.

Right baby? :o)

To Santa with love

Postcard from Maegan to Santa ...

Dear Santa,

This is my very first Christmas. I'm kind of excited about what Christmas will be like but more importantly, I'm wondering what presents I'll get this Christmas.


I was checking through my store and all the toys lying around, I realised that I actually already have a lot of toys that daddy, mummy, grandma and everyone who buys for me.

I had a sneak peak at my wardrobe and saw enough clothes to last me till 16 years old and enough shoes ... (okay, mummy said before that we will never have enough shoes). So looking at all that is around me, I do have a lot of stuff already.

So what should I ask for Christmas? Santa, do you have any ideas?

I kept seeing mummy and daddy talking on their handphone and I thought it would be great for me to have one too and almost magic, grandma bought me one recently. And it's pink!

Just the other day, I got a chance to play with daddy's laptop (the one with an apple on it. looks very cool!) and it was fun hitting it like daddy does almost every night when he works. So I thought maybe I can have that for Christmas but the very next day, daddy bought me one. No apple on the cover but it's still really cool to have my own laptop.

So what should I ask for? What do other kids ask for Santa? I do have other things I like to have but Christmas should be special. I think I like to ask for something that is special. Something really special ...

Hmm..... I know. Santa, can I have please have an XBox360? Daddy says it's would be great for my education. What do you think?

If that is too heavy for Rudolf to carry, I will settle for my two front teeth. One's coming up already but having two Christmas would be very nice.

Ok Santa?

Love, Maeagan.

I ran, I conquered and I almost died

3 December 2006 will be remembered as the day I ran the first half-marathon in my entire life.


Yes, me, Martin Tan, one who hardly exercise because he believes he has done enough exercise playing golf and soccer on his XBox, ran 21.1Km today in his personal best time of 3hr 43mins (well, personal best since it was my first run) at the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon.

The fact is that I ran some parts of it and walked most part of it and in all honesty, there were many times during the run that I wondered why I actually did it. It was some parts enjoyable but towards the last few kilometres, absolutely torturous. My legs is absolutely in pain even right now as I type!

So why did I do it? Well, apart from trying to fulfil my only new year resolution ever, I wanted to do it for Maegan. I wanted Maegan to have a dad that gave a shot at doing something and not simply talking about it. Even if I wasn't confident about it at all, I'll at least give it a shot.

I told Daphne (who ran a brilliant 10km by the way) that my objective wasn't to set a time but rather to finish. With a finisher medal now in my hands, I can at least tell Maegan when she grows up that one of the things that her daddy did was to take part in a marathon. (Ok.. half)

So when the time comes when she stands in front of something that she wanted to accomplish but not sure if she can do it, she can at least have one story of how her dad almost killed himself running a half-marathon with a finisher medal for keeps.

So yes, I ran, I conquered and I almost died.

If only they have leg transplant. Mine's aching like nobody's business!

Chews, bites and drools

What's up with babies putting everything in their mouths?

Maegan puts everything, and I mean almost everything she can get her hands on in her mouth. She chews, bites and drools all over the toys she plays with, including my collar and mummy's work access pass.

I'm told that babies explores the word by tasting things but surely there are better ways than to put everything in the mouth. Either way, she wins. It's really hard to stop her doing it.

So we ease the pain by buying her lots of teething toys which we freeze and affectionately calls it her ice-cream. She loves it. She would hold it, puts it in her mouth and chews. She smiles and looks at you with grateful eyes and with one hand holding her ice-cream, her other hand reaches out to her book and grabs it and ...


You guess it, puts right in her mouth. We can only smile. :o)

It's finally happened

Mark this date. 25 November 2006.

A significant milestone happened this very day. I've been looking forward to this day since Maegan was born, albiet with fear and trembling. Not a day I look forward to excitedly by the day I knew will come but just not sure when.

It's funny how you look forward to something you don't want to happen. You know it will happen someday but you just wonder how you, as a new dad, will react when it finally does.

You start wondering how it's going to happen, if it will ever happen, cross your fingers hoping that it will never happen and prepare your mind so that when it finally happens, you will be calm and ready to take care of it.

Well, it has finally happened. I'm just glad Maegan is still smiling, crying and doing everything she would always do, including pooing 3 times on 3 different pampers, all within 10 mins.

Yes, Maegan is doing just fine. Thank God.

So mark this date. 25 November 2006. What happened?

Well, she just fell off our bed that's all. :o(

Between a rock and a hard place

I just realised that being dad doesn't stop at my daughter. It includes managing grandparents.

In management, we call it Managing Upwards.

Reason for my enlightenment? Maegan's foray into the world of solids. She loves it. She loves the taste of carrots, veges and fish. Yes, fish at six months. We did recall our doctor saying to keep fish away for until she is a little older but baby nutrition books seem to say otherwise.

Either way, Maegan loves it but not her skin it seems. She's basically broke out in a slight rash and we have no clue which ingredient is causing it.

Asking Daphne's mum to stop feeding her fish ends up with her being upset about her work of love. Talk about being in between a rock and a hard place.


My mum is no different.

It seems that the moment Maegan can take solids, every food is a possible try for her by my mum. It's not just with Maegan but with my niece and nephew as well. She will try to give them food that my brother and sister-in-law says no to but she will still try anyway.

What's up with grandparents? If being a new dad is hard enough, talk about managing new grand parents.

Hmm.. anyone have any suggestions? I can certainly make do with some at this moment. :o)

It takes a lot to feed

How many people does it take to feed a baby? Four.

Yes, it takes four people to feed our little princess her cereals and now her porridge.

Her mummy will sit infront of her with a small little spoon full of sumptious porridge and like the B2 bombers flying into the war zone, the spoon flies, complete with the flight sound and straight into an open airstrip affectionately called, The Mouth.


Nina our helper stands behind holding Maegan down to her sit so that she does not move about so much that half the porridge ends up on her face instead of her mouth.

Her grandmother and grandfather stands in front of her making all the funny faces and sound just so that she would concentrate on the food before her and eat her fill.

Four adults just to feed one growing baby. I never knew feeding solids is so tough. Wouldn't it be better if Maegan just kept drinking milk? :o)

Well, just in case you are wondering what her daddy was doing when everyone was feeding Maegan? Well, I was busy taking photos!

Very important you know. :o)

6 months

Come Saturday, Maegan turns six months.

Yup, how time flies.

It really didn't seem that long ago when Barcelona beats Arsenal in the Champions League final, the very day my princess was born. The one event that changed my life completely.

Now six months on, I'm learning more as a dad. I've managed to decode the various MaeVin Ci codes. Pooh, Wee, Food or Me. Either one, it starts now with a very loud cry. Talk about seeking for attention!

Maegan has grow so much. She's now starting to learn how to crawl. Knees on the floor and buttocks up seems to be her favourite trick lately. She moves forward but slowly. I think my in-laws are getting worried the day she crawls fast. They'll have a hard time chasing her.

Her vocabulary is also improving. She's making more distinct noises with a couple that are her favourite words. "Daddy looks great!" is what she seem to be saying.

She loves to talk. Make funny sound and faces and blowing bubbles so hard that her face turns red.

It's been six months. It's great news that I've survived so far being dad. More importantly, Maegan is growing well and nicely.

I wonder what the next 6 months will bring.

More pooh? :o)

Night Dad

Am I a night time dad?

Why the question? Well, just a while ago on our way back from my in-laws, Daphne said that I'm more active in playing with Maegan at night when I come home after a long day of work.

Since she said that, I've been thinking a little about it.

Perhaps it's true. I love coming home to Maegan. Work is becoming increasingly demanding on my time. I'm slowly learning that running a charity is not an easy task let alone having a family to fend for at the same time. But, precisely having Maegan to go home to makes work all the more meaningful.


It's great fun the moment I step into the house. Both Daphne and I would go at the top of our voices "Guess who's back?" and we would search around for our little baby girl. Sometimes she would be with her grandma smiling at us or she would be no where to be found only to later return with smiling grandparents lugging goods from Malaysia. (Yes, my daughter has more travel chops on her passport than me)

We would have our dinner and I would play with her, carry her, cuddle her and often, volunteer to carry her from her car seat back home.

In the morning is somewhat different.

I often drag myself out of bed and after freshening up, I'll come out to our dining table for breakfast but not before seeing Maegan wide awake and playing. She would smile and get all excited. It's nice waking up to see your daughter smiling at the sight of you,.

I'll would carry her for a while, followed by my breakfast and papers. Morning routine. My mind would be filled with the meetings I have before me and getting ready for work.

A peg on her check and desperately trying to get her learn how to wave goodbye, I'm off to work.

Just like that.

So, perhaps there is a little difference between me in the morning and at night. Perhaps I am a night Dad.

I love her all the same but mornings are just a different time for me. I wonder if she notices the difference. I guess I'm just not a morning person. But then again, my friends from Kiwiland will tell you that it's nothing new.

They don't call me Possum* for nothing do they? :o)

*Possums are a beaver like animal that comes alive at night but sleeps in in the morning. A protected species in Australia but a pest in New Zealand.

I'm back :o)

I'm back.

After being offline for a while, I'm back. Or shall I say, we're back.

Maegan is getting cuter by the day and her daddy, getting busier by the minute.

So much has happened the last few weeks that I don't even know where to start. This time of the year is typically like this, lots of preparations for events, trying to fund-raise for the Foundation and trying to find some personal time is somewhat luxurious this season.

But being dad makes it all worth it. Sometimes, no matter how busy I am, I drive back to my in-laws place just to spend some time with Maegan and I feel recharged for the rest of the day. It's brilliant.

So what has happened the last few weeks?

Well, here you go.

1. My organisation changed name from Young Leaders Foundation to Halogen Foundation.

2. Daphne travelled to Japan for a week. (Picture of Daphne and Maegan before she flew.)

3. Maegan stayed over at her grandparents place while mummy is away while daddy gets busy at work.

4. Ran our final event for the year with 1600 students at Singapore Expo.

5. Daddy renovates office the next day after event. Staff thinks he's crazy.

6. Maegan started holding her own bottle while feeding

7. Daphne stopped breast feeding and we started formula for Maegan.

8. Maegan's poo get's stinkier by the day.

9. Maegan went for her doctor visit and her doc calls her "fatty". She weighs 7.5kg

10. Daphne bought a Bambo Chair for Maegan.

11. Maegan starts wanting to crawl.

12. Maegan's fart gets stinkier by the day.

13. Maegan started her first cereal feed.


I'll take sometime over the next few days to share more about what has happened. But as you can see, time flies when you are a dad.

More importantly, I'm back blogging.

Miss blogging actually. Hope you miss reading it too. :o)

Hate being sick

I hate being sick.

Yes, I'm down with a flu, high fever and a very sore throat. No thanks to the thick smog right outside of my windows as I post this entry. Yes. The haze has nailed another victim.

Apart from the fact that I cannot work well and cannot think well, apart from the fact that I have to postpone my Board Meeting because I am in no position to present anything to anyone, apart from the fact that even though I'm sick at home, my office called me non-stop, I hate being sick because I cannot carry Maegan.

I woke up this morning, groggy from medication, stumbled into my living room and I saw Maegan, sitting on the couch looking straight at me. Hi! I said and I walked over and 2 metres out I stopped. Better not so close I tell myself lest I infect her with my "hazimonia".

As she looked at her dad standing about 2 metres away, she must be thinking to herself "Why aren't you carrying me daddy?" But I can't baby. Daddy is sick.

How I wish she can understand.

Feeling a little better tonight, I managed to get closer to Maegan, kissed her cute little feet but not her face. Played with her but just not carrying her.

I need to get well. I want to be well. Not just because my Board Meeting is tomorrow but because I want to carry Maegan. It feels funny not being about to carry my daughter, even if it is just for a day. Sigh...

Tomorow. There's always tomorrow. I'll carry her tomorrow. :o)

Supposed To

I was supposed to blog about how smart Maegan was recently.

Yup, I was supposed to share about how she is being potty trained recently by Daphne. Each time she wants to poo, she will bring Maegan to the toilet and let her sit on the potty. After a while, she realised that sitting on her "throne" means time for pooing.

I was supposed to tell you how smart she is because for the last few days, she pooed each time our helper brought her to her "throne". Even her grandfather can't stop talking about it over our dinner of all times.

I was supposed to tell you how we are all amazed that Maegan, barely 5 months old is slowly learning that the toilet is a place to poo. She's not come to a place that she will tell you she's ready to go but at least, she poos when she's there.

Yes, I was supposed to tell you how excited I am to hear all these stories of her brilliant and smartness. Yes, I was suppose to.

I decided that maybe I shouldn't because I just heard today that Maegan didn't poo today on the "throne". Was the last few days fluke? Has she gone bored of her tricks that she has reverted to her old ways?

Sigh, I was so excited to share about her poo-on-her-throne stories that I thought about how I will blog tonight. But alas!

Perhaps she will poo tomorrow on the "throne". Maybe then I can tell you how clever she is.

Come to think of it, she is quite clever. For a few days, she did poo on the "throne".

Well, only time will tell. Till then, I think I'll not share about her pooing on the "throne" less you think I'm a proud father bragging about how smart his daughter is.

So yes. I was supposed to share about Maegan pooing but I think I'll keep that till she does it again next. For now, I'll just blog about more boring stuff.

Hmm... did you realise that Singapore is so misty lately? :o)

Kicked off my bed

I've been kicked off my bed by Maegan. Not once, but twice.

Yup. My daughter, with the help of her mummy is learning how to kick me off my bed.


Ok, not kick as in physically kick but she has been sleeping and lying between us on our bed in the morning after she wakes up. Daphne will often carry her in and let her play and roll about while her daddy is still asleep.

And when I start turning, I would often get a rude shock "Hey, watch it!" from Daphne and I'll jump up awake realising that I almost crushed my beautiful daughter. (How was I suppose to know she was there in the first place!!!! :o) ..)

So there she is, lying there with her angelic face and sweet sounding voices. She plays with her mummy, turns around to see the half awake me and she starts oohing and ahhing. And then it happens, she looks at me straight in my eyes and starts to roll towards me.

When she finally runs out of room because I'm in the way, she would start crying and complaining. "Move over a little for her" Daphne would say. But there's no more space!!!

And so I was, out of my bed giving space to Maegan to roll on our bed. My side of the bed and me, standing there making sure she don't roll off the bed like her daddy.

:o( Being the only guy in the family now, I'm starting to feel a little outnumbered and bullied. Humph...

I wonder she would turn towards mummy if I switch her around? Hmmm....

Worth a try don't you think? :o)

Coming home to my babies

She smiled. What else could I ask for?

Being gone for 7 days isn't something new but to be away in a country 5 timezones and 10 hours flight away from my daughter is somewhat new and hard for me.

For the past week, I've been in Auckland and Wellington, New Zealand for meetings. Managed to squeeze in a good friend's wedding in Rotorua in between but it was a busy trip. Somehow no matter how busy you are, you still think of home.

In all the meetings I was in, I find myself sharing about being a new dad and showing off Maegan's photo to everyone on my mobile. It started the moment I left, on the flight from Changi to Auckland and I showed her photo to the couple sitting beside me.

So you can imagine how much I miss home. Before I left, I even resorted into taking videos of her on my mobile so that I can "see" her when I'm in NZ.

After all the missing of home, I finally returned yesterday night. I was so excited. Spoke to Daphne before I boarded the plane and I knew Maegan was going to be there. The first time she's seeing her dad come home at the airport. How exciting is that?

Will she remember be? Has she grown bigger? Will she cry when she sees me? Will she be asleep when I arrive? Will she not let me carry her?

10 hours of plane journey with the occasional funny thought how she will be.

It's great having people you love receive you at the airport. Daphne and Maegan, my mum and Daphne's parents all arranged to have dinner at the airport. They seem to think that I've been away for 7 years but it was great having them there.

After clearing customs, I did my routine at the Duty Free Shop but found myself looking at the long queue and with my eagerness to see Maegan and Daphen growing by the minute, I decided not to buy my regular beer and wine and headed straight for baggage claim.

And there she was in her pram. Daphne pushed her closer to the glass and I went straight to her and waved vigourously. And she stared into my eyes, and stared and stared.

And then she smiled. What else could I ask for? :o)

Away and missing home

I've did it before but it gets harder.

4 timezones ahead and God knows how many miles away from Singapore, I'm not sitting at the Koru Lounge at Wellington Airport waiting to catch my flight back to Auckland. And all these while since leaving home on Wednesday night, I've been missing Daphne and Maegan.

It's been great just catching up with friends and having meetings and all. The most fun was simply showing everyone Maegan's photo on my phone and seeing their big smile and the very often "how cute!"

Made me a very proud dad but one that really misses my babies. Both big and small. :o)

5 more days to go before I come home. In the meantime, I'll live with my daily phone call home and staring at pictures of my family.

As I mentioned, I've done it before but it does get harder each time.

Better go now. If not I'll miss my flight.

First word

I'm staking claim to Maegan's first words.

Yup. Daphne was there to witness the very first recognisable words that my baby girl uttered.

She's been very talkative lately. Lots of ga ga and ooh ooh. She's resorted to screaming, fake coughing and her favourite "grrhhh" with saliver bubbles blowing out from her mouth. Maegan is entering the stage where she wants to talk.

And talk she does.

She recently looks at me straight in the eye, with her hands held up and started her fake little cries. Her dad looks at her, smiles and do the very thing she is asking for. Carry her.


So she does communicate with us but this time it's different. It's a word. Not just a word but one that we earthlings can understand.

Every thing she said before and after this word is not recognisable but this one word is clear as crystal.

There is no dispute now since Daphne was there with me. Maegan has officially uttered her first word.

"What was it?" you asked? What else could it be but ...

"Papa". :o)

I won.

Thinking further

Maegan has officially turned over. Fully.

Yup. Our 4 month old baby girl has completed her turnover successfully a few days back. On her own with no assistance. In fact, our helper only found out later that it wasn't us who helped her.

Happy we might be at this significant milestone, it does pose some interesting situations for us.

Firstly, she has gone independent and no longer needs our help. The next thing is that she will want to move out to flat on her own. Gosh.. she doesn't need us anymore! Help!

Secondly, the cot is becoming too small for her. She wriggles her way to the top of the cot and with no room left to wriggle, she screams at the top of her voice, not for help I suppose but rather "I need a bigger bed!" (notice, it's a bigger bed and not bigger cot.) Often, we go into her room only to find her head turned towards the end of the cot rather than the head. Bizzare but true.

Lastly, we need to be on our toes a lot more. We need to keep a look out for her just in case she turnsover on her own and get into difficult and life threatening situations like ... bringing a boyfriend home. (by life threatening I mean for the boyfirend's life.. not Maegan's)

In the mind of a dad, wild thoughts do surface while celebrating a huge step in Maegan's development. I guess it's important to plan ahead. All dad's do.

I'm just thinking a little ... further. :o)

Guilty as charged

I felt really guilty this morning.

The reason? A SMS Daphne sent shortly after I settled down in the conference I was attending the whole of today at Orchard Hotel.

It was an early start for me as I needed to arrive by 8.45 for registration at the conference. From the moment I wake up till we left the house, we did everything to make sure we got everything. I still found enough time to play with Maegan a little before we left but it was understandably short.

Reaching the hotel, we found a huge bus trying to negotiate this awfully small lobby driveway and I had to alight behind the bus much to my frustration. With a long queue of car behind being blocked by my car, I quickly alighted and kissed Daphne goodbye before running up the escalator into the conference.

Right on time, I sat down at my designated table, introduced myself to the really smart looking people around me and my phone beeped.

It was Daphne's SMS.

"just now your daughter look at you when you left the car. her daddy forgot to say bye to her! :)"

Arghhh.....

"I was rushing!"
"I was running late!"
"There were cars honking behind me just now!"
"It was that stupid bus!"

All the thoughts flew past my mind and it happened. The feeling of guilt descended.

Sigh... guilty as charged.


Like one of the participant said when I showed told her about Daphne's SMS,

"Four months old and the guilt trip as begun."

Indeed it has. :(

3/4 Turnover

Heard of the new McDonalds McChicken Foldover? Well, introducing the new "Maegan Turnover"! Complete with cries, yells and lots of laughs (mainly the parents).

Yes, Maegan has officially turned over on her own without any of our help. And she does it now every morning at 7am. When I say turnover, I truly mean 3/4 turnover. She still has one arm stuck under her chest when she finally does it and it frustrates her so much that she screams. At 7 in the morning until someone comes and help her hand out of the situation.

It's a great sight. I was up early this morning and decided to go into Maegan's room to see her before I leave. And there she was, rubbing her eyes and slowly waking up. The next thing I knew, she started turning.

She's a determined baby. She tries hard, making noises of frustration when she fails and after a while, she finally turns over but, she still don't seem to be able get her left hand out on her own. And because of that, she screams and cries, waiting for her favourite dad (her only dad) to come to her rescue.

So yes, Maegan's officially 3/4 turned over. Great start considering she's only 3 plus month.

I can't wait for the day she can fully turn over. She would really enjoy it and so will I. When that day comes, we will rejoice. And so will my neighbours because there will be a happy baby at 7am instead of a screaming one.

Feeling smug

Have you ever felt so wanted that it made you feel so good?

My daughter just did. :o)


Each day we get to my in-laws place after work, the first thing we do is look for Maegan. Sometimes she would be sleeping and other times, she would be taking a stroll with her grandma because she doesn't want to sleep and she wants to see cars drive by. (her favourite past-time).

We would then take turns to carry her, have our dinner and take her home. Nena our helper would then change her, carry her and when she sleeps, put her in bed and we call it a night.

Last night was different.

We got to my in-laws place and went straight into the room and saw our cute baby sleeping face down. Taking the opportunity while she is sleeping, we finished our dinner and played with her until it was time to go home.

Daddy as usual was responsible for putting her into the car seat and carry her into the house when we got home.

Usually, after Nena settles all the groceries and stuff, I would pass Maegan to her so that she can get her ready for bed. Last night, something interesting happened.

Maegan refused to leave my arms. Ahhh......

Each time Nena tried carrying her from me, she would turn her head and let out a loud crying, as if saying no to her.

What do I do as a dad? I carried her for a longer time, hug my precious daughter, played with her a little more, kissed her good night and finally passed her to Nena. And she cries. Only for a little while and she slept.

I went into my room where Daphne was and with a huge smug look on my face, I smiled at her.

"Daddy's girl" was all she could say.

:o) I love being a dad.

More than 1000 words

A picture paints a thousand words. Sometimes, it does more. Like this one.

Enough said. :o)

Irritating Toys

If you ever want to buy Maegan a toy, please do us a huge favour. Please buy toys that does not repeatedly make irritating high pitch noises each time we touch it.


If you do buy a toy that repeatedly make irritating high pitch noise each time we touch it, no matter how much it keeps Maegan smiling and no matter how much she enjoys playing with it, we will ban you from stepping 5 feet near her.

Yes. One of her toy is driving me nuts. It goes off when I drive and yells "Wee!! Quack Quack. Wee!!". It goes on and on and on each time the car moves. A slight movement of the car and it goes "Wee!! Quack Quack. Wee!!"

It's one yellow duck that I want to drown. Big time.

It's cute. It's funny the first time you see it. And you dangle it over Maegan and when the duck goes "Wee!! Quack Quack. Wee!!", Maegan chuckles and smiles. She loves it! And I hate it!

Imagine, you driving around town with all the crazy drivers out there who must be Singaporean drivers because they never use their signal lights when they cut into your lane and when I jam my brakes to avoid a collision, the duck goes "Wee!! Quack Quack. Wee!!".

Tell me if that is not irritating, what is?

So, please do us a big favour. Buy Maegan toys that are fun to play with and yet pleasing to her parent's ears. You know, things like XBox 360, Bose Sound System, Sony PSPs are all toys that Maegan would love and her parents would enjoy.

Please don't be like that crazy guy who bought that duck which goes "Wee!! Quack Quack. Wee!!" each time I move my car.

Who is that crazy guy?

Me. :o)

Daddy's night out

You have one night out to yourself. Your wife's on a work assignment and will be home late. Your baby's with your in-laws and you have the night to yourself. What will you do?

Me? Had a quiet dinner by myself and went straight to pick Maegan up. Boring? Not quite.

You see, I had a grand plan for the night. Perhaps, to call some friends to hang out. Go for a drink. Play Xbox for the whole night and so on. There are so many things I thought about doing so while planning, I came home to shower and decide.

And then it happened. I went to the fridge to get myself a drink and there, stuck on a fridge magnet was Maegan's photo. "How adorable!" I thought to myself and then this thought came "Why look at a photo when you have the real thing waiting for you?"

How true. While there are so many things I could and wanted to do, I do really want to see Maegan and play with her.

I did have a quiet dinner by myself at McDonalds, reading a new magazine I got recently. Once done, I went straight to my in-laws much to the delight of Maegan. It was fun because the moment I got there and saw her, she smiled knowing that daddy is home.


It's a great feeling coming home to your baby. Playing with her and hearing her chuckle. We even had time to try on her new shoes I bought her sometime back. Seeing her wear those shoes really did make my day.

So while Mummy is working, Daddy had a great time with Maegan trying on new shoes. I just hope that our fun time together doesn't create a lifelong love affair with shoes. Then again, with her mum's genes ...

I should have known better. :o)

First times

When a child does something new, who has more fun? Child or parents?

In our case, we did. And what new thing was Maegan doing? For one, she was learning to flip and then, the more dramatic, she started swimming.. well not quite. More like floating.

Two nights ago, Daphne yelled out at me to go into Maegan's room. I thought something had happened and when I went in, I saw Daphne and our helper leaning over the cot laughing and giggling.

The circus act currently showing and performed by Maegan was the First Flip. Yes, she was trying to flip over. I honestly wish I have bought the video-camera I was looking at a few days ago. She was really trying hard and getting frustrated.

Finally, with some help from her dad, she flipped and a round of applause was given for her galant effort. She still kept crying and we kept laughing. It was just great watching her in action.

Today was the dramatic new act. Maegan slipped into her new swim suit, courtesy of her Tua Peh (Big Uncle Terence). She looks really cool and cute. In fact, we had to spend over 10min to decide if she should wear pampers under those swim suit. Won't tell you what we eventually did.


Bought her a new float affectionately called Pinky the Elephant and off into the pool we went.

As I lowered her into the pool, Maegan looked apprehensive at first seeing so much water around her. You have to remember that the largest amount of water is her bath tub. Apprehensive or not, she soon warmed up to the idea and enjoyed her first swim.

She even discovered that she can kick her legs under water while sitting in Pinky and move around.


Truly, it was a great moment for us. While she makes sense of the new experience, we were busy taking photos of this great day. We were cracking up laughing seeing her experience and seeing how cute she is in her swim suit and sitting in Pinky.

Even her rubber ducky had a go in the pool.


I'm not sure if she knows that she is swimming. Perhaps for her, it was just one very long bath time in a somewhat, huge bathtub. But for her parents, it was the world. For me, it was simply precious.

Whenever a child does something new that is fun, I think we as parents do have more fun than them. Watching them is itself, a joy.

Oh, if you are wondering about the pampers, we decided against it. Since pampers soak water, we figured that the pampers might weigh so heavy that Maegan may sink. :o)

Maegan's growing

How much has Maegan grown? A lot.

This is her at 5 days.

This is her at 3 months.


How much has she grown? What do you think? :o)

Working from home

Working from home seems very different now that I'm a dad.

For almost a year, I worked out of my home having just started Young Leaders Foundation Singapore. Back then, it was just me and my laptop at home. I could concentrate on what I was doing, listen to the music I want, and at times rest when I'm tired. All in the comfort of my own home.

Yesterday, I had to stay at home in the morning because my mum was late and out came my laptop. Sitted on my sofa, I managed to reply emails, surf and prepare a presentation. But it feels absolutely different.

Why? Maegan was staring at me while I typed away.

Recently, she cries whenever she is left alone. Perhaps like me, Maegan loves having people around her and whenever she cries and fuss, I would walk over, sit down beside her and simply look at her. That is when magic happens. She stops crying, stares back in my eyes and ... smiles.

So here I was, typing away trying very hard to concentrate on the presentation while Mozart was playing in the background because it's Maegan's Bose System these days. No longer mine.

And while I work at my presentation, I get the occasional "Ah gu", the many sounds and chuckle that she makes lying in her bouncy chair staring at her dad.

What do I do? I stop what I'm doing, look at her and she what she's up to. The moment my eyes reach in contact with hers, she stops and smiles and starts "Ah guing" away happily. Obviously pleased with herself that she managed to get Daddy's attention.


Did I manage to reply my emails? Yes. Did I manage to finish my presentation? Nope.

Working from home with a baby that loves to play with you every moment she is awake may not be the most ideal situation but, just being able to still do work while having her company is enough to make me keep trying.

Especially when the going gets tough, just looking at her smiling at you, makes every hard work you put in worth it. :o)

Mummy's back to work

The dreadful day has finally arrived for Daphne and I. A day that we weren't really looking forward to. One that Maegan certainly wasn't happy to see. But alas, it has arrived.

Daphne went back to work today. And boy was it tough.


I guess it doesn't really hit you until it happens. Since the night before, Daphne was already anxious about how she would do when we need to take Maegan to her grandmother and when we finally arrived at grandma's place early this morning, the inevitable happened.

Daphne held on to Maegan tightly and started crying. She don't usually do that. Not that kind of cry at least but she did. As if she know that Mummy's leaving her for the majority of the day.

That did Daphne in. She started crying too. I know it would be hard for her but I didn't know it will be so difficult. Daphne really felt bad about leaving Maegan behind. Having spent almost 3 months at home with Maegan, leaving her and not seeing her for a good part of the day is a new thing for her.

I'm sure Daphne would cope but is seeing Daphne cry broke my heart. Seeing Maegan cry, somewhat knowing that mummy's going to work, shattered it.

A start of a new episode in our lives as parents. A teary start but you know what, coming home has now a new added meaning to Daphne. And trust me, the excitement is not me. :o)

Daddy 401

I've just graduated into Daddy 401 yesterday. Not quite 501 yet but getting there. Reason? I've just showered Maegan for the first time. And in Daphne's words, I've done well. And Maegan didn't complain.


Why the sudden decision to shower my daughter? Well, blame it on the tele. The night before, I was watching the BBC documentary "Child of Our Time" with Daphne one ArtsCentral. It's a great documentary that followed the development of 5 toddlers since their birth and how parents play a huge role in their growing development.

In this particular episode that we watched, the child pyschologist said that children who are bathed by their dads often than not, grow up to be more confident kids. It's something about the emotional connection that takes place when dad's bathe their kids.

The program also says that kids with active dads develop their physical abilities better because of the physcial play dads often have with their children. The throwing of the baby up in the air, the wrestling on the floor, the running around all enhances the physical growth of the child.

So with a "they seem to know what they are saying" attitude, I told Daphne that I will bath Maegan sometime soon. And that soon was the next day when I came home after work.

All my lesson at Thomson Medical Centre paid off. I knew the steps. I held her tight. Soaked the cloth and cleaned my daughter.

She stares at her dad, talks a little and enjoys that little moment she had with me. Special moment. One I'm sure with more to come.

And yes, she did seem a little more confident after that. How do I tell? Well .... I just like to think so. :o)

Faulty Remote Control

As mentioned previously, there's so much that took place during our first family holiday that I'll take some time to share a couple more interesting episodes.

For a start, Maegan the faulty remote control.


Every remote control has a function. It allows you to turn to different channels on a TV or skip differerent tracks on a DVD player. It allows you to turn the volume loud or soft, gradually by the pressing of buttons. Such is the wonderful technology of remote control.

Sometimes, remotes gets faulty and don't function the way it should. Much like Maegan on this trip.

She can do wonderful things like play, smile, laugh, cry, bluff cough (where on earth did she learnt that I don't know), scream, talk (rather ah gu gu) and everything but during this trip, her remote is faulty. She either cries (loudly I might add) or she smiles (makes you melt).

Either she is very happy or she is very upset. Nothing in between. Much like a faulty remote, we can't seem to turn the volume up or down. It's either LOUD or silent. However you try to troubleshoot, it just doesn't seem to work. Even changing batteries (diapers in this case) don't help much either.

So while cramping in all the shopping, food and the occasional sleep, taking care of Maegan was our top most priority. With her being a faulty remote control, it took much more energy and focus to attend to her.

Sigh... The wonderful world of fatherhood. One thing's for sure, much like a remote control (faulty or not), daughters are inseparable from their dads.

:o) Like me.

A wonderful break

How do you sum up a wonderful 3 day holiday? It's hard really.

We've done so much in the last 3 days. Gone on a holiday for the first time as a family. Maegan's first real holiday (she did go into Johor Bahru once with mummy but since Daddy wasn't there, it didn't count :o) hee). Did it without our helper which is somewhat a challenge but we passed with flying colours. Lot's of milestones in this one holiday but most important of all, we managed to spend time as a family. Something of a little luxury with me being busy the last few weeks.

Togetther with Daphne's parents and brother, our journey up to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia was somewhat a simple affair apart from the one moment that made our day, Maegan wearing her first sunnies. A gift from her uncle Ernest.


The moment she wore it, we cracked up laughing.

Moving around K.L. on public transport was another challenge with a pram, a macpac baby carrier, diaper bag and an oversupply of diapers. Oh yes.. not forgetting carrying a baby around. The good thing about moving around with the above, you get priority. We never had to queue because the barriers are too small for prams to go through so we get to push it pass a gate they open for us.

Eating was somewhat of an experience as well. Between her grandma, mummy and me, Maegan loves to choose to wake up while we are eating. That means either one of us needs to swallow our lunch down quickly to make sure she don't get the eyes of every diner staring at us.

Between Maegan's crying and laughing, we managed to get some shopping done, eat some fantastic out-of-the-world meals, get some decent sleep and take some photos. Not a lot I realised but enough to prove our holiday stint.


So how do you really sum up a holiday? I guess you just don't do that sort of thing. Holidays are moments to be treasured. Not just a summary I guess. But if you really want to put me in a corner and ask for one word that sums up our last few days, I guess it would be ....

Timely.

Maegan speaks

She spoke.

Ok, I know I'm jumping ahead and proclaiming this but Maegan started talking. Yes, they are just mumblings but she was looking at me and talking to me. She's telling me something.

It's great fun. I went to my In-Laws place for dinner and went straight into the room to play with Maegan the moment I arrive. And there she was lying there knowing that her dad has come home. Her eyes looked around and matched the voice that was talking to her.

She smiles and started ... ahh guu ...

There you have it, she talked. I was estatic! We don't understand what she is saying but she started talking. It's so exciting. And I continued talking to her, telling her how much I missed her at work and she kept talking back.

I wonder what she is saying.

"Daddy, you have bad breath!" Don't think she's that smart yet.

"Daddy, it's been a while since I saw you!" Quite possibly given that I was away so often the last two weeks.

"Daddy, I missed you today" Hmmm... I'll take that.

And you know what Maegan? Daddy missed you a whole lot today too. :o)

Home to normality

How much does a baby grow in one week? HEAPS!

Saying that I'm busy this last one week is a little of an understatement. Leaving home at 7am and back at about 2am does make watching Maegan grow quite hard.

While One Degree Asia was a success in itself, missing watching Maegan grow in the last one week was a bummer. Had to live with it but hopefully it doesn't happen too often.

Yesterday morning was the first morning I got to really play with her. She's really attentive now. She notices me coming in her room when Mummy is playing with her and her eye focuses on me really well.

It's quite a feeling seeing her fixing her eyes on you and smiles when I start talking to her. The fact that she tries to talk back was worth a broad grin on my face. She shakes her head and moves her legs wanting to play with her dad who seemed to be missing for ages.

Yesterday, she even tried to stand up while Daphne's holding her, perhaps trying to show her dad that she is a big girl now. Strong, cute and adorable. All of which her dad agrees!

Since last week and mid week, I reckon that Maegan has put on at least 3/4 of a kilo. She's getting bigger, stronger and ... do you say taller or longer? I wonder when do we actually change our terminology from longer to taller. Either way, she's grown heaps.

All said and done, I'm glad I'm finally home to normality. Life seems in order now that I can wake up at a time I get to play with her and kiss her goodbye when I leave for home and come back to a baby that smiles at her dad and haggling for some playtime.

Work continues to be busy but at least, I get to be dad again, and not just being boss.

World Peace for Maegan

If you are wondering what happened to me? Well, I've been stuck at One Degree Asia. Yes, it's work. Just a fancy sounding name. But, work. Meaningful work.

With over 200 delegates from 18 different countries in Singapore for the 5 day festival, you can imagine how busy all of us at Young Leaders Foundation are. Beyond that, I was also trying to organise my wife's suprise birthday party and my mum's 60th birthday party all within two weeks of my event. And I've barely survived.

Where's Maegan in this whole thing? Well, I've basically been leaving home and coming home to a sleeping baby. Today was no exception. But one with a little surprise.

I've just came home from the accomodation where foreign delegates are staying and each time I meet with them for chats, each time I feel energised and feel that Maegan will have a good world to live in.

Barely 30min ago, I was sitting on a bench with 5 guys. Nothing spectaciular except that they are Pakistani's and Indians. Seeing them laugh and joke with each other is an incredible sight to watch.

Thinking about Maegan, I think she will have a good world to live in. Where this generation of young people can create history by learning love and forgive. I keep thinking about what the future holds for her.

And if my convesations with these delegates are to go by, I think we can potentiall have peace in our world. I like that especailly when Maegan is going to be here for a long time.

So yes, I miss Daphne and I miss Maegan heaps. But hopfully Maegan will look back and see today what her dad has accomplished can make her proud.

That would be nice. :o)

p.s. do check back once in a while, have been busy at the festival. Normal frequency will resume tomorrow.

One Hour

one hoiu.r wsas al;l i hasd in betwren meetytings,.

Between MCYS at Thomson Road to Office at Chinatown, I have one hour to decide what to do. Usually, I'll drive into town and walk around in my playground seeing toys that I dream to have. It's fun walking around seeing new stuff and comparing prices. The playground? Funan the IT mall.

Or, I would normally head back into office squeezing in dinner downstairs at the noodle store while thinking about what we need to accomplish at my next meeting.

But today, I came home. Why? Because I miss Maegan and Daphne.

With One Degree Asia coming up just next tuesday, I've been at the office much later than I normally have. Even if I'm at home, I'm always on the computer checking emails, replying emails and working on documents needed for the Festival. But today, this one hour I have, I came home to see Maegan.

And my reward? A smile when I said "Hello!".

I got to carry her, play with her, cuddle her all within this one hour that I have. And Maegan was great. She was being wiped clean by my helper when I first came back, she changed into a really beautiful outfit and she laid in her cot looking at me when I talked to her. She's simply adorable.

It's a great feeling being dad. The time you spend, the little that you have sometimes, with your child is wonderful. I enjoyed coming home in between meetings. If I get the chance, I think I'll do it again. No doubt about that.

And yes, I even had time to write this post. See the first sentence? That's when I was blogging while carrying Maegan.

Hmm.. you can say I was B.U.I. - Blogging Under Influence. :o)

Happy Birthday Mummy!

Today, Maegan turns two months old and tomorrow, Daphne turns 29.

Yes, my lovely wife whom I am well pleased turns 29 tomorrow. She has finally caught up with me. She's been chasing me since day one you see. :o)

I've got everything planned for tomorrow. I've asked Janice to help me book the restaurant that she likes called Bukunero but couldn't even get thru and we turned to our next alternative which was Wild Rockets which I knew she liked. Wanted to keep it a surprise but it seems that after 3 years of marriage and a baby later, you sort of want her to have what she likes and not simply to surprise her with something she may not like (which sometimes happens).

So I found two of her favourite restaurants, booked us for tomorrow's dinner and made the choice available to her. Wild Rockets or Restorante Valentino. Both of which she mentioned so many times but we never had the chance to try. Still waiting for her choice. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Funny thing about celebrating birthdays after being parents is that you change the way you celebrate for each other.

What do I mean? Well, I'll be saying to her "Happy Birthday Mummy" instead of my usual "Baby". It's the same for me when Daphne took me out for dinner and wished my "Happy Birthday Daddy." The fact is, we actually enjoy calling each other that.

It has become a term of endearment of sorts. Interesting isn't it?

The other thing is the amount of planning needed to spring a surprise.

It used to be just two of us but now, we have a helper and a baby that needs milk every 3 hours. Dinner needs to be well timed for in between feeds the plan is that once she gets her 6pm feed, we farm Maegan out to her grandparents and I'll whisk my darling wife to the restaurant of her choice, spend 30mins choosing from the menu, 3omin to gobble down the food, 30min to finally get the attention of the waiter to serve dessert, get the check, rush back to grandma's to pick Maegan up to whisk her home for her 9pm feed. Phew... the day hasn't even started!

I guess what my friends say is true. Our lives do change a great deal when our baby arrives. Ours have changed quite a bit. But somethings don't change.

Celebrating Daphne's birthday is still a big thing for me. And now that she is the mummy of my daughter, my love for her seems to grow even more.

Even if her breast is now exclusively reserved for my daughter and that her attention now is split between me and Maegan, I love my wife because she's the best wife I ever had. She's my favourite wife. She is .... oops... she's my only wife :o)

Honestly, I count myself a very blessed man. I have a wife whom I love, who I can count on when I'm down. Who lets me play XBox when I'm stressed. Who massages me when I'm tired, pick up my rubbish I leave behind, reminds me not to forget my mobile when I leave home, gets breakfast done for me when I wake up, calls me in the office just to see how I'm doing and more importantly, love me despite all the noise I make when I sleep.

Many friends never fails to remind me how blessed I am. How true.

I'm a blessed man to have Daphne as my wife. And this blog being my journey as dad, I think it's appropriate for me to say on record how much I appreciate my wife and how much I love her. For my journey being dad wouldn't be complete without Daphne being mum.

So baby, if you are reading this, I love you heaps! :o)

Happy Birthday Mummy! From Maegan and Me.

Feeling jealous but ...

What do you do when your baby cries in your arms but stops when your helper carries her? How would you react when your baby looks for your helper instead of you? You gave birth to her, you paid for her delivery, you work your guts off buying her all she needs and she feels more comforatable with someone else.

Jealous? Yup, that's how we feel sometimes. Daphne and me.

In the modern world of parenting, ok ... more so in Singapore, having a helper means a lot of what we parents used to do daily is being assisted by a helper. She showers her, cleans her, change her, carries her and soothes her. Everything except feeds her.

With two parent, one working till late, and the other, heading back to work, there isn't very much choice we have but to have a helper we can trust. And honestly, I'm thankful that Maegan likes Nina. I'm even more thankful that Nina dotes on her.

But do we still feel jealous? We do.

It doesn't change a bit how we are as parents. We still carry her, we still love her, we still cuddle her, we still play with her and Daphne still feeds her. Jealous we may feel, I acutally think that it's not that big a deal.

Really, one can outsource care giving but one can never outsource parental love. And a child, learns over time to discipher the difference. There is a huge ocean between care and love. And jealous we may be of how good she is with Nina, I know for certain that no one can replace the love we have for her. Not Nina, not her cousins, not even her grandparents.


There are only two persons in this world will love her more than anything else. And that's us as parents. And even at her age, I think Maegan knows that. She knows that we will love her no matter what she does, she knows she can be naughty with us, she know she can complain to us and keep us awake all night, she knows she can cry till we drive her all the way to Beauty World in our car just so that she would sleep. She knows. And maybe because she knows, she makes full use of it, like making us pamper her more!

So for now, I'm happy that Maegan has someone that takes good care of her when Daphne and I are out working (Daphne's starting work soon by the way). But when 7pm comes, the two persons that comes home are the only ones that can love her the way we do.

And just in case you wonder who they are, it's us. :o)

A Daddy's Prayer

Every dad has a prayer. This is mine.

Our baby who ought to be in bed,
Maegan be thy name.
Thy poo-poo come,
Thy wail be down,
In here, as it is in the neighbours.
Give us today our daily smile.
Forgive us our inabilities,
As we forgive all the sleepless night
you have given us.
Lead us not into believing your bluffing cries,
But deliver us from your grandma
For you are the cutest and prettiest baby,
Today and forevermore.
Amen.

Prayer does wonders. Not sure about the above but at least it should bring a smile to someone. For that, I'm happy. Amen.

A Singaporean Dad

What makes a Singaporean Dad?

For one, the rate in which he starts making big decisions about house, career and the future just so that he can get his daughter into the primary school of choice.

I cannot recall any of my Aussie, Kiwi or any daddy friends that I have who are not Singaporeans, or at least not married to a Singaporean, think the same way as we Singaporean Dads do. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this.

You see, my conversation with Daphne over lunch today centred on Maegan's future. We are wondering if we really have to send her to a PAP kindegarten or can we afford to send her to a more renowned one like Julia Gabriels which charges an unbelievable price of $800 per month. That's what I will pay for Maegan for two whole years if she goes to a PAP kindergarten like her old man. A proven brand name that has been in prominence since independence and boast of Singapore's largest alumni. Meet any two friends and chances are that two of you studied in PAP kindergarten.

Knowing that we are probably very capable of affording the best for Maegan, i.e PAP Kindergarten (did I mention that they are a proven brand name and boast of the largest alumni in Singapore?), our discussion moves on to the primary school that she should go.

In Singapore, staying within a 1 or 2 Km radius from a school means you have the highest chance of getting a place in that school. We stay 1 metre away from a really good school. St Michaels Primary School. Problem is, it's a boy's school.

So we start identifying which school we want her to go. The Raffles Girls Primary, the Nanyang Primary, the Henry Park primary and ... we stopped. I forgot that there is this really stupid and unfair ruling that you need to own the address that your child is registered and you cannot rent the place. That effectively rules out a majority of us who are not in the position to afford houses in within 1 or 2km near these schools. Ridiculous rule.

So where does it leave us? Many other primary schools that are very capable of educating Maegan the same way as they did for me and Daphne. Perhaps, in our fascination with what we think is good, we fall into the very trap that makes us all Singaporean. In that the future of our children is crafted, engineered and decided based on meritocracy and status, in what WE deem to be best for our kids. And the best part of it all, the child is all of 8 weeks old.

What makes a Singaporean Dad? A bloke that peers into the future of his child and imagining possibilities but constantly peeps into his bank account and realise, some are but mere dreams.

Sad but true.

Getting Unstuck

Maegan's getting more talkative today. She's been making all her chattering noise with her grandma who seems to be the person that she likes to "talk" to. She also found a new game with Daphne in which she would have milk dripping from her mouth and when Daphne wipes her face, she would smile. Seems to be spilling milk just so that her mummy would take the hanky to wipe her. Just like a game.

All that is missing from the above is ... me.

It's so fun hearing from Daphne all about Maegan when I came home from work. All the things she did, she smiled when she cleans her and how she was a great baby when Daphne brought her to her previous work place.

It's fun to hear all the stories but I wish I'm with her instead of being stuck in the office at 11pm. I wish I saw her smile and play instead of sorting out which Asian delegate is coming and which is not. I wish I could hear her chatter instead of hearing reports and updates about our upcoming event called One Degree Asia (www.onedegreeasia.org).

I so wish I was home. So much so that during our late dinner, I took out Maegan's photo to show everyone.

It's been a busy time recently at work. It happens when events are round the corner but somehow, with a baby at home, you sort of want to be home with your baby and her mummy.

You wake up in the morning and she has finished her morning feed and sometimes playing, but mostly sleeping. You finish your breakfast and if you are lucky, you get to hold her and play for a couple of minutes before it's time to leave for work. You work on an overdrive and you come home to a sleeping baby and all you see of her are the images of her during the day through the stories shared by your wife.

Not quite the dad I want to be. Inevitable at times but truly, not my preference. There are times that work demands more time out of me but when it comes in expense of my time with my family, I like to think I have a choice to choose family first.

So, I'm choosing to get unstuck from office tomorrow. I'm staying in a little longer in the morning. Hopefully, I can take Maegan out for a stroll in the park and play with her. See her smile and giggle when Daphne wipes that hanky on her face.

And maybe if I'm lucky enough, she might just "talk" to me. Now that would be nice. :o)

Imagining the future

Who do you think has the greatest imagination in the world today? In my opinion, Parents.

Parents I think have very wild imaginations about their baby. Daphne and I are no exceptions. I'm probably the worst. What do I mean? Read on.

If you have read my previous post about Thinking Funny, I often imagine what Maegan would be like when she grows up. And the little things she does spurs that imagination. This is what I mean.

When she smiles with the sweetest smile ever, I think that she would become a model.

When she punches me when I carry her (yes, she punches her dad), I think she would be a great female boxer. Not that I like that very much.

When she swings her hands rapidly when she's lying in her cot, I think about her being a professional swimmer.

When I hold her and see the length of her fingers, I tell Daphne that she could possibly be a great pianist.

I'm not alone. Daphne's the same. She sees her movements and believes wholeheartedly that she would be become a ballerina.

Recently, her legs starting actively moving rapidly and I say to Daphne "do you think she will become a professional athelete?"

I don't think we are alone in our wild imaginations. Remember how in ancient times parents will let babies pick certain items to see the future they will have? Nothing much has changed since then.

So I think I'll keep on imagining how the future will be. It's kind of fun actually. The scary thing is worrying about which one might come true.

Professional boxer? I would prefer the ballerina if you ask me. :o)

Remembering Dad

Today one of those significant days on the calendar that stays with you forever. 9 July marks the death anniversary of my dad. 12 years ago today, my dad passed away in Manila Philippines when I was only 17, going to Poly. My dad was 48.

Every 3 years, my mum would publish his obituary in The Straits Times and this year is the same. Except that since the last one, we have now three grand-children to his name. Troy, Dawn and Maegan.

Really, it should have been four. Mattheus name should have been in there.

Whatever it is, today also marks the first time I remember my dad as a new dad myself. It makes one enter into a reflective mode of sort. For me, the reflection was on how great it would be if my dad got the chance to see Maegan.

My dad was one of the self-made man who took care of his siblings because his dad died young. He was the bread-winner of the family for a while and became the father-figure to many siblings.

I recall every year on the second day of the Chinese Lunar New Year, all my relatives will come over our place and celebrate. Dad would cook (he's a fabulous cook) all the yummy stuff. One year, we had popiahs, another year, would be his favourite chilli crab. Food was endless as it is one of his love. And so was mine.

Dad was quite a dad. I'll always remember the $1000 bag he bought mum from Hong Kong one year. The time where he bought be a small electric piano that he left in the boot for me to search. I'll remember the mango tree that he planted in our house along Rifle Range Road that only bore fruit after he passed.

More importantly, I remember the times where I knelt in front of his bed when I did something wrong. The times we spent at the driving range learning golf together. The times when I caddied for him in Green Fairways. The times I spent going around with him during my school holidays. The time when he spoke fondly of me to his friends.

So many memories, so little time we had together.

When Maegan turned one month in June, I went around with my mum to distribute cakes to all our relatives. Part of a chinese custom to celebrate the one month birthday of the baby. We took a box to the temple where dad's ancestral tablet was and I stood there looking at it and saying to him how I wish he could be around carrying Maegan.

He would have been a proud grandfather. A cool one too. He would have spend countless money buying toys for Troy, Dawn and Maegan. He would carry pictures of them in his wallet and show to his business friends. He would be a great grandfather.

So as I read his obituary today, I remember dad, with me being dad myself. It's weird but you see things different when you have a child of your own. Many things that you couldn't quite understand when growing up about dad now becomes a whole lot clearer when you become one yourself.

And inevitably, you see a little of the old man in yourself. Both good and bad. (The good is the way we love our wives. The bad is the way we drive)

Today, I remember my dad of whom I wish I had more time with. At the same time, my journey with my with dad helps me put times in perspective about my time with Maegan. I can't take health for granted. I can't take the time I spend with Maegan for granted. Honestly, I can't take anything for granted.

For 9 July reminds me that the important aspect of being dad is not the amount of things you can buy for your child, or the amount of inheiritance you can leave behind, it reminds me that what is important in life is being there for the one you love. The moments you live together, the memories you both create.

While my dad and mine was relatively a short one, I intend for Maegan and mine to last much longer. I want to be there when she needs my help in studying. I want to be there when she graduates from university. I want to be there when she first bring a guy home. I want to be there when she gets married and walk her down the aisle. I want to be there when she carries her first child. I want to be there when my first grandchild is born. I want to be there whenever she needs me.

It's a journey I'm looking forward to. A journey that creates memories that lives forever.

So today, I remember Eric Tan Soon Poh. 1946-1994. My Dad.

A "Small" Present from Maegan

On my birthday on Friday, I took one firm step in my journey being dad. I changed Maegan's diaper for the first time.

Not quite Daddy501 yet but I have found that diaper change is both an art and a science.

On Friday while waiting for cell group friends to come, Maegan started on one of the "clean me I've peed!" cry. She's fussy about her diapers and the moment they are wet, she wants to be changed.

The problem was, she was in my arms when she was crying. Daphne was showering and Nina my helper was in the toilet. And I was ... stuck. I had a choice to make. To wait for either Nina or Daphne to come out, or I could do it solo.

Seeing Maegan's upset face, I decided that I was going to embark on my first foray into the world of diaper change.

Finding out there there were two types of diapers wasn't a good start for me. One was unfamiliar and small while the other looks like the same one that she's wearing. The latter has to be right. Found the pail of water and cotton that I was to use to clean her and I laid everything within reach.

With all the aparatus ready, I started. Unbuttoning her jumper, I undid her pampers, cleaned her with the wet cotton. "Always downwards" was what I recalled from my antenatal class. It's almost an art form knowing how to hold both her legs in one hand while cleaning with the other hand.

Once she is nice and clean, I took the new familiar looking pampers and placed her on it. After some moments of wondering how to undo the sticky tape portion, I managed and triumphed in my first diaper change moment for my princess stopped her wail.

Maegan's happy now. And so was I.

On my birthday, I changed her diaper successfully. Having said that, I realised when I read the fine print of the Being Dad course materials, diaper change occurs not only in Daddy501 but also in Daddy201.

The difference? Pee and Poo. And on Friday, Maegan's birthday present to daddy was ...

A small one.

Growing Up

Daphne and I were just lying in bed going thru all the photos that we've taken since Maegan was born. 574 in total to be exact and still counting. More importantly, we are amazed how much she has grown.

I guess when you are with her everyday, you see her as she is. A growing baby. But when you look back at some of her photos, you can see so much has changed.

So i thought I share some photos of Maegan growing up over the last 7 weeks with you. Brought us much joy. Hope she brings a smile to your face too.

Enjoy!

:o) Glad she made you smile.

Birthday Dad

I turned 29 yesterday.

For the first time, I celebrated my birthday as a dad. Two years ago, I celebrated my first birthday as a husband and now, I celebrate as a dad.

Daphne paid a somewhat surprise visit to my office yesterday with Maegan and our helper in tow. Somewhat a surprise because she spilled the beans the night before. :o) Hence I knew they were coming but I just don't know what she was up to. All I knew was lunch was on the menu.

So on my birthday, Maegan visited her dad's office for the first time. She slept and cried most of the time but I did manage to get the photo I wanted, her on my office chair. The office chair that I inheirited from my dad when he passed away some 12 years ago.

Amidst all the flurry of work, meetings, deadlines and to-do lists, we celebrated my birthday together. Everyone in the office sang the birthday song and when candles are blown, cake is cut, photos are taken, lunch eaten, everyone went back to work. Including me.

My cousin asked me via sms "how's it like celebrating your birthday as a dad?". My answer? Nice.

It's a great feeling holding your baby and singing to yourself the birthday song. You feel that you have finally grown up of sort and that being dad and celebrating birthdays now seems to count forward towards being old(er).

Another thing about being dad and celebrating birthdays is the kind of presents you want to have. Funny it may seem but every birthday present wish you have now has a relative comparison to what you can get for Maegan of the equal value.

A new watch or a 3-wheeler stroller? A new wallet or 3 packs of pampers? A new car or Maegan's University education fund? A Mac Mini or a iPod Nano for Maegan? Hmm.. that's an easy one.

Either way, you seem to run into endless mind games and comparisons of prices, needs and wants. Either way, Maegan comes up tops.

So, for my birthday this year, I've know what I want for my birthday.

An XBox360. Surely Maegan would love that! :o)

Maegan's first passport photo

If there is anyone photo that makes Daphne and I smile with the broadest grin and laugh heartily, it would be this one. Maegan's first passport photo.




She's adorable isn't she?

I was in the middle of a press interview when a SMS came from Daphne announcing Maegan's first passport photo being taken. From the sound of her message, I knew it was good but it wasn't until I reach home that I saw how cute she looked on this photo.

She's so cute that my mother-in-law even took a photo from the stack before we even said it was for her.

I know I'm rambling but I guess I'm entitled to, don't you think?

:o) Just a really proud dad with a really cute daughter. (And yes, a really pretty wife)

World Cup and Me

I realised that there is a lot of similarities between the 2006 FIFA World Cup and me being dad. It's true. Lots of similarities.

For one, all the action takes place between 11.00pm to 5.00am. Maegan starts her midnight shows about the same time as the 11.00pm game. It is during this period of time that she wants to be awake or at the least, be cuddled to sleep. No amount of pacifier, mozart or patting works. It has to be someone carrying her.

Secondly, the whole world is talking about them. Everywhere you go, people talk about football and World Cup. Every Daphne and I go, people talk about Maegan. If it's about football, it's about Germany winning. If it's about Maegan, it's about us losing.

Thirdly, it's the first thing you wake up to see and the last thing you see before you go to sleep. If you miss last night's match, you wake up and search for the results and with Maegan, you wake up to see if she has grown another centimeter.

Both of them are so similar it's scary. And knowing other dad's like me, we both love our daughters and football. We know our priorities but you cannot deny that we are absolutely passionate about both.

This World Cup, we also see lots of favourites being kicked out at various stages, Spain, Holland, Brazil, Germany and England (ok.. we should take England out of the list of favourites winning). Try as they can, they somehow fail at the final attempt.

Similar with me and Maegan. Try as I can in putting Maegan on a routine of sleeping, she just keeps waking up. And she does, she cries and wails. We tried to leave her crying but a parent can withstand only so much. For us, it's 20 - 25 mins.

Like many teams in the world cup, we show lots of promise and talents. But when the crunch time come, we seem to fall short in our attempt. Probably, our match with Maegan is like the England and Portugal quarter-final game.

So much hype about how England will fair and with Portugal never winning the World Cup, the odds are stacked against them. And England tried. And tried. And tried. Right through extra-time, England could not break down Portugal.

And to the penalties it went. England's record of penalty wins are a dismay. So were ours with Maegan. With history set to repeat itself, Carrager misses his penalty and I lost the match carrying a smiling Maegan in my arms at 1.00am in the morning.

There is just so much similarity between the World Cup and me being dad. Like a English football legend once said "Football is twenty two grown men kicking around a silly ball for ninety minutes and at the end of it ... "

Maegan wins.

Do babies dream?

One of the things about being a new dad is that everything seems interesting to you. Every little expression, every little sound, every little movement all makes an interesting topic for discussion.

My latest one is this: Do babies dream?

Why this question? Well, Maegan smiles to herself when she sleeps.

It's true! She would be fast asleep in my arms and when I look at her, she has this half smile that she does. It happens so fast that you miss it most of the time and I get thrilled each time I see that. Is she having sweet dreams?

Sometimes, when she's sleeping, she would shudder and her arms in the air and cries a little before calming down and back the quiet sleep she's in. It sounds and look as if she's having a nightmare but I can't be sure.

We only have dreams because of events that we go through during the day or week. We remember it and recall it during our dreams. But babies at six weeks have very little to think about so do they really dream?

If they do, what do they dream about? Most of our dreams includes conversations but babies haven't learned words so how do they dream?

I'm curious. All my web search only surfaced studies and findings about baby dreaming during REM (rapid eye movement) phase much like we do as adults but no signs of anyone stating what baby really dream about.

I'm just curious if Maegan really do dream?

I'm pretty sure she does. And it's really probably about how her dad carries her to sleep at night or grandma playing with her. Sweet dreams or nightmares. Which is which?

I'll let you decide. :)