Remembering Dad

Today one of those significant days on the calendar that stays with you forever. 9 July marks the death anniversary of my dad. 12 years ago today, my dad passed away in Manila Philippines when I was only 17, going to Poly. My dad was 48.

Every 3 years, my mum would publish his obituary in The Straits Times and this year is the same. Except that since the last one, we have now three grand-children to his name. Troy, Dawn and Maegan.

Really, it should have been four. Mattheus name should have been in there.

Whatever it is, today also marks the first time I remember my dad as a new dad myself. It makes one enter into a reflective mode of sort. For me, the reflection was on how great it would be if my dad got the chance to see Maegan.

My dad was one of the self-made man who took care of his siblings because his dad died young. He was the bread-winner of the family for a while and became the father-figure to many siblings.

I recall every year on the second day of the Chinese Lunar New Year, all my relatives will come over our place and celebrate. Dad would cook (he's a fabulous cook) all the yummy stuff. One year, we had popiahs, another year, would be his favourite chilli crab. Food was endless as it is one of his love. And so was mine.

Dad was quite a dad. I'll always remember the $1000 bag he bought mum from Hong Kong one year. The time where he bought be a small electric piano that he left in the boot for me to search. I'll remember the mango tree that he planted in our house along Rifle Range Road that only bore fruit after he passed.

More importantly, I remember the times where I knelt in front of his bed when I did something wrong. The times we spent at the driving range learning golf together. The times when I caddied for him in Green Fairways. The times I spent going around with him during my school holidays. The time when he spoke fondly of me to his friends.

So many memories, so little time we had together.

When Maegan turned one month in June, I went around with my mum to distribute cakes to all our relatives. Part of a chinese custom to celebrate the one month birthday of the baby. We took a box to the temple where dad's ancestral tablet was and I stood there looking at it and saying to him how I wish he could be around carrying Maegan.

He would have been a proud grandfather. A cool one too. He would have spend countless money buying toys for Troy, Dawn and Maegan. He would carry pictures of them in his wallet and show to his business friends. He would be a great grandfather.

So as I read his obituary today, I remember dad, with me being dad myself. It's weird but you see things different when you have a child of your own. Many things that you couldn't quite understand when growing up about dad now becomes a whole lot clearer when you become one yourself.

And inevitably, you see a little of the old man in yourself. Both good and bad. (The good is the way we love our wives. The bad is the way we drive)

Today, I remember my dad of whom I wish I had more time with. At the same time, my journey with my with dad helps me put times in perspective about my time with Maegan. I can't take health for granted. I can't take the time I spend with Maegan for granted. Honestly, I can't take anything for granted.

For 9 July reminds me that the important aspect of being dad is not the amount of things you can buy for your child, or the amount of inheiritance you can leave behind, it reminds me that what is important in life is being there for the one you love. The moments you live together, the memories you both create.

While my dad and mine was relatively a short one, I intend for Maegan and mine to last much longer. I want to be there when she needs my help in studying. I want to be there when she graduates from university. I want to be there when she first bring a guy home. I want to be there when she gets married and walk her down the aisle. I want to be there when she carries her first child. I want to be there when my first grandchild is born. I want to be there whenever she needs me.

It's a journey I'm looking forward to. A journey that creates memories that lives forever.

So today, I remember Eric Tan Soon Poh. 1946-1994. My Dad.