20mins

20mins was all I could do. I like to accomplish more but given her traumatic episode of drawing blood on Saturday and the state of shock she was in the last two days, I go only bear with 20mins. Yes, I lost again in our rematch since Cinderella Dad. This time, just 20mins.

Daphne and I stood for quite a while by her cot watching her cry. Almost 101 positions she was in wailing away like a police siren that pierces through the air. It is almost unbearable. Everything within me wanted to just carry her but we know that if we do that, she would get used to it and do it again every night. And every night it has been.

So we decided to walk away. After knowing that her diapers are clean, that she is thoroughly fed, and that she was comfortable, we left her room to cry.

What can a parent do in times like this? If you pick her up, you are spoiling her. If you don't, you live with the fear that she might feel unloved. Either way, you seem to lose.

You read books and different authors say different things. Some say you should let her be while others say, hear the different types of cry and pick her up if she cries too long. No man's land we as new parents are in.

One thing we do know, we need to help her draw a line and create a routine for her. If she knows she will be picked up and cuddled once she cries, she'll keep doing it. The key is for us to not pick her up and she will slowly learn that she can cry all she wants but her parents will not come in until it's time for her to feed or wake up. Over time, she gets into a routine and her parents gets to sleep.

But alas, the brain that has the knowledge forgot to inform the heart.

And so we sat on our beds, shaking our heads in despair. What should we do? Let's perservere we say and we sat waiting. Daphne picked up her Baby Wise book and I, well, stared at my computer wondering how long I can stay composed. How long I can continue to hear her scream. Yes, if you noticed the change of verbs, she has gone from crying to wailing to screaming.

20mins later, I looked at Daphne and she looked at me and with our daughter screaming in the background, I gave up and went into her room. I picked her up, gave her some water to sooth her throat and stared at her big round eyes who's staring back at this heartless dad who had just let her cry for 20mins.

After 3 weeks (she turns 3 weeks today) of parenting, Maegan has won the match again. Let me change that, she was won the battle again. The war continues and I'm determined to win the war but for this battle, her daddy lost. And she won.

I've managed 20mins tonight. I'll try to do better the next time.